It is currently 11:34 p.m. on Tuesday March 30, 2016. I decided to write a blog entry because there is never a wrong time for expression. I would like to be honest and real right now more than anything else. No current event reports, no civil rights protesting…just protesting ME. I would first like to start off with an utmost apology toward my followers and supporters. No matter how few, you are here and you cared about my vision. You supported me. I honestly recently had what I would like to call a HUGE problem that my mother happened to bring to my attention the other day. A few others have also voiced similar thoughts, but I myself thought nothing of it. I was lost. I became my worst critic and low on my self esteem, no matter how much I boasted confidence or seemed straight forward. I had what is called a fear of becoming successful and a fear of being brutally criticized. I’d start off strong with a project or a dream I know I’ve had for quite a while. Plan it out and go hard at it for maybe a couple of weeks or so like I was seriously in it to win it, but soon enough I’d have a burnout and switch my focus to something which has absolutely nothing to do with my vision. I have not even posted a blog since last year. I was a bit of a hypocrite and always expressed how others should pursue their dreams! Be bold! Be fearless! While I only displayed these qualities in short bullets of time to only later go somewhere and cry and give up on myself because I felt unworthy…practically worthless. Yet I don’t know anyone yet that ever told me my work actually sucked. Even about things I wrote at the young age of thirteen. Go figure. SMH.
So tonight I am speaking of these moments so much in PAST TENSE because (excuse my language) I’ll be damned if I ever let myself get to that point again. I can admit to being a genuinely loving, strong, and courageous woman who loves to prove herself when told she can’t do something, but just like many others…I had my down falls. Yet I am still learning about myself day by day and honestly just moment by moment. You can not inspire others if nothing about yourself is inspiring. You can not help others to persevere or be motivating when you are not motivating yourself. You can not succeed without humbling yourself and actually listening or experiencing. I can not say there is an excuse, but I have been a victim of things which I rarely ever express. Like a weak person I let these incidents and these people for many moments…win and defeat my confidence. I felt as if nobody would actually care to listen to anything I had to say or would take the time to support someone that might not be as talented or as creative as others. I down played my God given talents and allowed what could only be the devil cause me to feel like a lot less of a person. I am disappointed in the time which has passed that could have helped me go further in my career or achieve more than I have done at this point. This stops NOW and from this day forward. Now is the time to constantly move forward and leave the past in its rightful place.
So long story short, my mother…my queen and my earth angel, whom I love so very much, gave me just the boost I needed and the pretty much told me to GET IT TOGETHER because the things I write, all of the songs, stories, poetry are AWESOME. I have a talent and my mother (bless her heart) is the most brutally honest woman on this planet. She will let you know you are terrible and need to rethink your entire life if you thought something was good but it wasn’t. She sugar coats NOTHING for me. Lol. So coming from her, that made me want to burst in to tears because I knew all of that myself for a fact. She was right, she said I’d be focused and determined then run away, come back to it, then run away again. My attention has been focused on every single thing else but my vision and my purpose. Like parties, entertaining friends, unnecessary moments that got me NOWHERE closer to my goals. It’s ok to have a good time, but business should always be handled first, the rest will eventually follow! So here is my promise to you and even to her and God…NEVER will I ever let my mind be poisioned with the thought of failure again. Never will my talents be thought of as basic, mediocre or unworthy. I will be a proven vision of not only motivation but a promising destination for myself where the sky is hardly even the beginning of the limit. I will be working so hard from now on you will most likely grow tired of seeing my posts. Lol. Posts of my music, singing, stories, poetry, every creative bone in my body will be worked harder than ever. This is my promise to myself, which is the main person I can not let down ever again. I am a QUEEN and will act as such.
I promise to be motivating and inspiring you to do exactly the same because at the end of the day… We ALL possess the potential to become beyond GREAT!!
HAVE A BLESSED NIGHT AND SEE YOU IN THE MORNING!